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It's been a longggggg time. I know, I know. Anyone missed me? (macam lah ada orang nak baca blog tak berilmiah macam ni) Been busy for the past few months. It was stressful. 

There was a lot going on.
Just wanted to share recent event jelah yer,,,

So during my end block holiday, which was about 2 weeks ago, I finished my orthopedic posting! Yeay! It was the most stressful yet enjoyable posting. Posting ini lah yang paling banyak inner thought jahat yang datang suruh give up amik medic... Trust me! Nak give up sangat-sangat, But there were friends, seniors, mentors and even patients yang Allah hadirkan, untuk ingatkan don't give up!

 Lucky, I passed. Padahal screwed up the long and short case. Case write up pun entah apa-apa. Yang paling tak tahan, macam mana lah boleh mixed up the antibiotics. The broad spectrum I said for gram positive and vice versa. I got nervous since I irritate Mr N with my diagnosis. I said it was Diabetic Foot Ulcers, though the history pointed towards Necrotising Fascitis... Since the case was a chronic case, that's why I said DFU, but he insisted the case as NF, and I got panic. I remembered few times I mumbled and the only thing came out from my mouth was "Astaghfirullah" when he asked further questions regarding management sebab panic sangat!! Tapi, benda dah lepas kan.

Oooh ye and my short case was challenging as well. During class, Mr A pernah cakap, "We can give you anything during exam, even EMPTY BED." Masa tu fikir, no way lah bagi empty bed. Patient berlambak-lambak dalam ward, takkan bagi empty bed je short case.

Guess what, my short case was real EMPTY BED with no patient. The question by Mr Ariff was, "Describe this bed."

Mak aih!! Nak terjelepok jatuh tahu! Malangnyaaa nasib, Ingatkan dongeng je cerita-cerita doktor nak bagi katil kosong as soalan exam. 

And it was not the ordinary orthopedic bed. It got many handles and rings and bars... Nasib baiklah Mr Ariff bagi back up patient lain with Below Knee POP. Itupun gagap nak jawab.

 Next time, as Prof Khairidzan said, "Keep yourself calm, cool and collected." 

And Alhamdulillah, passed. Rahmat Allah. :)

Actually nak cerita benda lain sebenarnya. 

Tapi malas dah nak type....

By the way, I'm in Ophthalmology posting right now. 2 minggu je. And kerja kitaorang memang memburu optic disc patient and as well as run the clinic. Quite fun :)

p/s: Teruk banjir tahun ini. Selamat megninsafi diri dan it's not to late to pray and give them help!

Why Medic? Cliche betul soalan.

Salam everyone!

Dah nak masuk 6 bulan lebih dah study kat Malaysia. It is fun! Sebab dekat dengan family. Haha stress jek, boleh balik ke pangkuan keluarga. ^^

Well, studying in Malaysia shows me the real value of a doctor. Because you could see and feel the reality by yourself. Bukanlah nak kata study kat Egypt dulu tak best, teruk... Heh, Egypt tu tempat aku jatuh, mestilah lagi dikenang dan disayang. Cuma dekat Egypt dulu, tiada career exposure. How your life would be when you work. Bila masuk ward, tiada karpet merah, tiada sambutan beria diberikan. When you enter the ward, you are expected to be ready and know the cases well. You need to be able to discuss about the pathophysio, the biochemistry, the complication, the investigation. Not mentioning them, but to discuss them.

I'm writing not to compare, but to share.

Life setting and study life kat sini tak sentiasanya bahagia. Most of the time, it is stressful.
Scolded by lecturers because you could not remember 10 causes of arrythmia (kena lepuk dan cubit pun ada) yelled by staff nurse because you mess with the bed ticket, ignored by patient when you want to start clerking, then scolded again by patient because repeated blood taking, got depressed by low long cases marks and a lot of readings needed to be done. Baca pasal nephrotic syndrome dekat Nelson, dekat Sunflower, dekat Paeds protocol, tak jamin you boleh jawab sume soalan lecturer. Tiap-tiap kali case presentation and discussion, mesti rasa down and stupid sebab sume macam tak tahu. Procedures and log book pun mentensionkan kadang-kadang. You have your requirements. [Ini skeadar kehidupan medical students, belum lagi HO or MO]

Alah, student lagi, dah nak stress.

It doesn't occur to me, until I transferred here. This question keeps come to my mind "Kenapalah aku amik medic?????"

Nak tolong orang? Kerja lain pun boleh tolong orang. This is not the only noble way earning money. Kerja cikgu, kerja engineer, kerja pilot, kerja architect pun tolong orang and involve people's lives and futures jugak.

Aku suka gila quote dari watak Dr Azmi dalam short movie 'Budak Baru'.

Kau bongkak. Sebenarnya semua kerja sama ja. Ada boss, kau pekerja, patient tu client. Lepas tu dapat gaji. Apa yang lainnya jadi doctor ni. Kerja lain pun ada boss, pekerja and client... (Lebih kurang la ayat dia ni)

Tapi benda best pasal this line is you could learn a lot pasal life. Macamana anak nak berjasa kat mak bapak yang tengah sakit kat ward, nak suap makan, nak tukar pampers, nak change position tak nak bagi bed sore. Ada patient yang takde relatives, lagi-lagi haru kalau nak nazak, takde orang nak bisik syahadah baca yassin. Budak-budak 2-3 tahun sakit kronik, yang nak perhatian dan physical touch. Aku dah nak sebak nangis-nangis bila budak tu peluk aku suddenly. Ada mak yang keguguran anak, ada anak yang hilang mak, case anak luar nikah lagi... Banyak cerita.

Seorang patient, akan ajar kau banyak pasal life. Kita akan tengok banyak benda, kekadang sampai boleh desensitize dan dah tak kisah.

Jadi kena selalu bukak hati, bukak mata.

dan,

jangan harapkan sanjungan manusia. Baru bersih.

Aku dah banyak merepek. Seminar Kawasaki Disease tak siap lagi....

The Block

Ya Allah, seronoknya!
Passed Internal Medicine block.

IM block is fun but crazzzzyyy. It is very wide... I don't know where to start studying.

First exam yang berjaya membuatkan aku mental block sepadunya...
10 minutes wasted figuring out the questions masa theory part. Mental block, cannot think.
Keluar dewan, huh dah bergenang air mata. "Aku jawab apa tadiiiii???" Tak pernah rasa blank sesangat macam exam ari tu.

Internal Medicine tak pernah cukup satu buku untuk dibaca. Kalau soalan MCQ and One Best Answer (OBA), huhu bersepah-sepah buku atas meja untuk diselak. Kalau nak quick answer, just google. Tapi kita rasa tak best la kan? (ke aku je rasa macam tu..)

Exam clinical plak, especially short case exam banyak kantoi. Soalan hypothyroid je, tapi mental block jugak. Sobs!

Alhamdulillah. Rezeki Allah.
Prof S pesan sebelum exam, kita memang tak pernah rasa ready untuk exam. Tapi just work hard, and trust Allah. Kalau Allah nak bagi rezeki, adalah rezeki untuk kita. And what is not meant to be, is not meant to be...

Thanks to my posting group, oncall group, study group, new friends in UIA, superb UIA seniors, lecturers you guys are amazing! Rasa macam korang specially dihantar oleh Allah to help me :) I've learned so much from all of you...

Now, I'm alive. Haha!